Moved some pages to Archive, Added Ramblings, and several ramblings

Am I faking being trans?.wiki

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+= Am I Faking Being Trans? =
+
+This began life as a reply to someone on /r/questioning, but I later came to realize that I was actually writing to myself.
+
+== Prompt ==
+
+(paraphrasing to anonymize)
+
+OP expressed that they had recently begun feeling like he/him didn't quite fit, and had started talking to their non-binary friends about their feelings. Unfortunately, OP received some pushback from those friends because, they had felt NB all their life, and the process of discovery for them was mainly focussed on finding the language to express as much, so these friends began assuming that OP was faking it. 
+
+OP's main question was: Is it possible that I'm just faking how I feel? That they're right and I'm just making it up in my mind to fit in with my friends?
+
+== Response ==
+
+Labels aren't a template for behavior. They're a tool used to communicate your particular flavor of awesome to others. You are you, pick a label that fits (or don't, whatever).
+
+There are 7 billion unique people on this earth, and we haven't developed mind-reading tech yet, so that leaves *you* as the only person who is physically capable of living your life, feeling your emotions, and experiencing your gender. Nobody else knows exactly what's going on in your head, and the only way we can learn is if you tell us. 
+
+That doesn't always happen perfectly, though. Sometimes the right words don't exist, sometimes the words come out wrong, sometimes both of those go exactly right, and the other party ends up misinterpreting what was said... This can affect what others understand about what you're trying to communicate, but none of that changes this one simple fact:
+
+=== *You* are the ultimate source of information about *yourself* ===
+
+So, are you cis? How the fuck should I know? I don't live your life. You're cis if you say so. You're bi if you say so. You are who you say you are, because nobody else has a better source of information about you than you do. 
+
+Put another way: What if you're faking being *cis?* What if you were never cis from the get-go, but you've been "faking it" as your assigned gender for your whole life because that's all that you've been allowed to think until now? What if this means that, since you have no experience with a label that accurately reflects your gender identity (internal), you therefore don't know what it's like to *not* fake your gender expression (external)? What if it feels like or sounds like "faking it" because you've been faking an *incorrect* gender this whole time, and simply don't know what it feels like to truly identify with your label because it was given to you at birth based on your genitals instead of you choosing your label based on how accurately it reflects your reality?
+
+=== Change is life ===
+
+Additionally: Human nature is to change, and neither sexuality or gender are exempt from that by any means. Knowing for certain that one label fits you for any amount of time does not mean that you're stuck with it until you die. Changing your label is just as valid as changing your haircut or your clothes. Both of these are also external expressions of internal taste in style, why would the rules for your taste in romance or sex be any different? 
+
+If your gender changes, and you decide to change your labels to match, that's it. Any resistance you receive for communicating this information to others is laughably pointless. What are they gonna do, try to *persuade* your experience into compliance??
+
+=== Communicating your truth ===
+
+Remember, You aren't responsible for how others react to information that you provide. You are simply putting it out there, and any reaction to that news is ultimately a reflection of *their* thoughts and emotions through the lens of *their* experience and bias. Your life and experience isn't affected by whether they choose to respect you by accepting information from the primary source (you) as truth, or if they choose to live in their own reality by denying it. You continue to be you, they continue to be them, and the planet continues to spin.
+
+I realize that you may not be in a place to directly confront your friends about how they discuss sexuality and gender, but I would encourage you to push back on the idea that you're "faking" something. You are welcome to accept others' perspective, but *they* are as much of an authority on *your* gender as *you* are on *theirs.* Just because they know what it's like to experience *their* gender doesn't mean that they know what it's like to experience *your* gender. 
+
+The short version of this story is this: Your friends have shared information about their experience that they expect *you* to respect, but they did not to afford *you* the same respect when you decided to express similar information. That's rude and inconsiderate, and it's perfectly appropriate for you to ~~ask~~ ~~expect~~ *demand* them to respect your gender expression (however fluid or unresolved it might be), just the same as *they* have asked of *you*.

Archive.wiki

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+= Archived Pages =
+
+* [[Audiobook RSS Feed]]
+
+=== Configuration/Dotfiles ===
+
+* [[i3]] -- Moved to Sway
+* [[Xinitrc]] -- Moved to Sway
+* [[Pkglists]] -- Project abandoned. I install as I go nowadays.

Do people actually desire physical affection?.wiki

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+= Do People Actually Desire Physical Affection? =
+
+This began life as a reply to someone on /r/questioning, but decided to archive it for myself.
+
+== Prompt ==
+
+(paraphrasing to anonymize)
+
+OP has just started their first romantic relationship with someone they have quite a bit in common with. OP enjoys spending time with their partner, but didn't feel anything special during their first kiss. OP would be fine with kissing them again if requested, but it's not something they felt that they would specifically desire or seek out. 
+
+OP recognizes that they generally don't quite understand romance or attraction, so being in a relationship is somewhat difficult already, but in an effort to understand their partner better, they wanted other perspectives.
+
+OP's main question: "Do 'regular' people actually desire physical affection? Like, do they look at their partner and feel a physical urge to touch/kiss them, or does it originate in some concious 'I want to touch/kiss them' thought that then begets an action?"
+
+== Response ==
+
+    Do people actually desire physical affection?
+
+For me, 'yes' isn't strong enough. 
+
+I don't just desire physical affection, I *need it*. In fact, I sometimes don't feel as if my feelings are properly expressed *without* employing physical affection. Past that, I can get irritable, depressed, and lonely during prolonged periods without it. It affects my mood on a deep level, and it's something I need in order to function properly. I don't think I could stay in a monogamous relationship that lacked physical affection. 
+
+=== "Regular" people ===
+
+BUT, if that's something you don't desire or need, then that isn't weird, it's just a part of your particular flavor of awesome. "Normal" or "regular" people aren't a thing, and I discourage anyone from trying to compare themselves to a baseline human configuration of wants and needs. Evolution-based life doesn't operate like that. Evolution is dependent on randomness, uniqueness, and mutations, then it keeps the useful ones around over time. 
+
+To this end, I encourage you to ask yourself: Where your idea of "normal" comes from? From your parents? Peers? Media? A combination? 
+
+Also, what is to be gained by people who reinforce this notion of "normal"? Do they earn money from it? Do they feel accepted or powerful by being (or claiming to be) a part of the "normal" group? Do they use it to otherize those who don't fit in the "normalcy" they so enjoy?
+
+There's deep introspection down that path, so here's a lighter take: I don't have to understand you to respect you, but more importantly, *I don't have to understand you for you to deserve my respect.* You don't deserve respect because you fit in my definition of "respectable person", you deserve my respect because you are a human. 
+
+For example: I don't understand what it is to live in an existence where physical affection does nothing for me, but that's ok. My inability to empathize fully with your situation is not a failing on my part, and especially not on yours. I have to accept that yours is a perspective that I will never fully grasp, but also that ***you are still valid***. If someone is unable to *respect* you, that's a them thing, not a you thing.
+
+=== The nature of relationships ===
+
+Above all, don't feel like you have to push yourself to do things that you're not comfortable with. In our current society, there is definitely a tendency to push for obtaining romantic relationships and putting them on an ever-escalating path towards monogamous marriage (most commonly referred to as the [[https://medium.com/@agahran/why-step-off-the-relationship-escalator-d5b033b1ccb2|Relationship Escalator]]). 
+
+There's a societal expectation that you date to marry forever and that's the best path for everyone, but it doesn't have to be that way. You are a unique person, your partner is a unique person, but also, the relationship between you and your partner is a unique entity of its own. Just as you don't have any responsibility to look or act or be a certain way, your relationships with others don't have to look a certain way. 
+
+All that to say: If physical affection is something that you don't want or need to be included in your relationship with another person, then by all means, you shouldn't feel obligated to shoehorn it in. Human relationships are best when they're mutually beneficial, and beneficial relationships tend to be stifled when one forces themselves to be someone they're not for the sake of the relationship.
+
+That is my perspective, but don't take my word for everything. Try things out, figure out what works best for *you*. I greatly appreciate that you specifically expressed your desire for other perspectives. That is a valuable and [seemingly] rare trait, and you should be proud of that. Keep following that curiosity and openness.
+
+If you would like more perspective, I would take a look at /r/asexuality, /r/demisexuality, and any other subs that may interest you from their sidebars and wikis. Follow your nose, ask questions, and read about the experience of others.
+
+=== Learning from the Polyamorous community ===
+
+Also, while I am not directly recommending polyamory for your situation, a lot of understanding can be gained from that community about the nature of relationships. It was certainly a catalyst for shifting my own perspectives when it came to relationships. /r/polyamory, and the resources documented there is a good place to start. Decide whether it's for you or not, but I would recommend checking it out, if only in the interest of gaining new outside perspectives.
+

Does experimenting make you any less straight?.wiki

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+= Does Experimenting Make You Any Less Straight? =
+
+== No. ==
+
+End of story. Full stop. Thanks for playing!
+
+=== Wait, Really? ===
+
+Yes, really.
+
+*You* are the only one who can define your sexuality. Sometimes people just know, sometimes they have to try things out before they are sure. Both are valid methods, and their results are genuine. Just because you experimented doesn't make the results any less valid. It doesn't matter if you kissed someone, or slept with someone and enjoyed it. If you say you're straight, then you're straight. 
+
+Labels aren't a template for behavior. Labels are a tool used to communicate your specific flavor of awesome to others. Likewise, behavior doesn't define your labels either. You do.

On Labels.wiki

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+= On Labels =
+
+=== A label is not a template for behavior. It is a tool used for describing your specific brand of awesome to others. You are you, pick a label that fits (or don't, whatever) ===
+
+That is to say: I am secure in the label that I've chosen, not because *I* can fit within *the label*, but because *the label* fits *me.* I am the only one in the world qualified to make any judgments about my sexuality, because I am the only one in the world who lives my life, feels my emotions, and experiences my attraction The *only* reason I have chosen to use a one-word label for such a large, complicated part of my person, is because it provides a useful short-hand. 
+
+However, this absolutely doesn't mean labels have no usefulness beyond communicating complicated concepts in a succinct way. In an external sense, labels provide some sense of community in a world where people are often denied the opportunity to internalize these concepts from a young age; Finding this community provides legitimacy, validation, and support where otherwise one would be left to deal with their identity completely alone.
+
+But, for the purposes of one's *internal* struggle: You are who you are, and whatever that ends up looking like for you, it can be explored and discovered with or without the participation of others. For some people, it helps to have some experience to consider, but there are just as many who have come to their conclusions completely on their own.
+
+=== IMO: Begin by finding the truth about yourself, and then you can figure out how to communicate that to others. ===
+
+Or don't. I don't live your life :)

Ramblings.wiki

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+= Ramblings = 
+Sometimes I just need to write shit down.
+
+
+== LGBTQ+ ==
+* [[On Labels]]
+
+
+=== On Gender ===
+* [[Am I faking being trans?]]
+
+=== On Sexuality ===
+* [[Does experimenting make you any less straight?]]
+* [[Should I come out while still questioning?]] -- Adolescence, fluidity, and communicating your truth
+* [[Do people actually desire physical affection?]] -- Asexuality, relationships, and wtf is normalcy anyways?

Should I come out while still questioning?.wiki

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+= Should I Come Out While Still Questioning? =
+
+This began life as a reply to someone on /r/questioning, but decided to archive it for myself.
+
+== Prompt ==
+
+(Paraphrasing to anonymize)
+
+OP is female, and 17 at the time of writing. She had been questioning her sexuality for a while, has privately used a few different labels along the way,but still remained kind of confused about her identity. She had planned on coming out to her family once sure of her labels, but she's slowly coming to the realization that this might take some many years to fully flesh out. She wants to be open about her sexuality to friends and family, but even though they are generally supportive of the LGBTQ+ community, she feels it may still be complicated to explain certain concepts to some individuals.
+
+OP's main question: "Is it a possibility to come out although I'm not sure of my labels yet? At the moment, I would most likely come out as simply "not heterosexual" and questioning. Also, since I'm fairly nervous about this, would it be ok to do this in writing, or should I only do this face-to-face? Should I wait until I've stopped questioning?"
+
+== Response ==
+
+IMO, identifying as questioning is such a power move. 
+
+"Good luck trying to shove me in one of your stupid boxes while even *I* don't know what the hell is going on in here!"
+
+Labels can be tricky when the landscape seems to keep shifting like this, but I have two main ideas on this front:
+
+=== 1. On Adolescence ===
+
+Teen years suck in countless ways, but they also come with a neat perk: ***Nobody expects you to have your shit together yet.*** Those younger than you will look up to you by default, those older than you have been through it and understand, and your peers are busy dealing with their own shit. You have the benefit of a few years of life with bumpers where you're ~~allowed~~ *expected* to figure out who you are, often via trial-and-error. 
+ 
+Salty adults can complain all they want about a teenager going through a "phase," but we only call it that because when we try to remember our *own* teenage years, it reminds us of all the ways that our teenage selves needed improvement in order to become who we are today. It's human nature to change and adapt, and teen/early adult years are often one's first and most substantial opportunity to make those changes based on *internal* motivation as opposed to *external* motivation like a parent, guardian, teacher, etc. 
+ 
+Guess what: When a human with little life experience and a newly-discovered personal agency is given the opportunity to make changes to themselves, they make uninformed decisions. Every single adult on this planet has made a bad decision in their teenage years, and learned from it. C'est la vie. The important part of this process is that when we make a misstep like this, we come out of it with lessons about what not to do next time. This is how adults are forged from the pressure-cooker of puberty, and we all go through it, whether we want to acknowledge that reality or not.
+ 
+ The only reason that adults label this as a "phase" is because when adults cast their mind back to their own lessons, they come to the incorrect conclusion that they  *shouldn't have made that decision in the first place.* This makes a little sense when considering that this conclusion *is* the lesson they took from the experience, but how else were they to learn that lesson if not for experience? Life doesn't come with a manual or textbook to learn from, so how else are teenagers supposed to figure out how they want to dress or who they want to hang out with, or what they want to do with their life?? 
+ 
+ We *all* learn via experience during puberty, and your parents are no exception. 
+ 
+ === 2. On Labels and Questioning ===
+ 
+*A label is not a template for behavior. It's a tool used to communicate you particular brand of awesome to others.* You are you, pick a label that fits. (or don't, whatever)
+  
+This isn't to say that labels are unimportant, though. At the very least labels provide a useful shorthand for things that are complicated or abstract (see: bisexuality vs pansexuality), so there's definitely an argument for their practicality. The point is that *your you-ness* should inform your label choice, and not the other way around. 
+  
+This is why I think identifying as questioning is so cool. You can't get any more honest than openly admitting that you don't know shit and are still figuring it out :D
+  
+Alright, out of my soliloquy, and back to your thing :P
+
+=== Communicating Your Truth ===
+  
+    Is it a possibility to come out although I am not sure of my labels yet?
+  
+As each person on earth is wholely unique, I would argue that there's currently around 7 billion different possible sexualities out there. Who you are, who you like, and the reasoning/motivation for any of these things are fully unique to you alone, which means that you happen to be *literally the only human on the face of the planet* with enough information to determine what label fits you best. 
+  
+This goes both ways, too. You are the only one who can determine which labels *do* fit, but the same goes for labels that *don't* fit. If heterosexuality no longer fits you, that conclusion is equally entirely valid. 
+  
+On that same coin, choosing to use no labels is just as valid, and so is picking a label but choosing to keep it private. 
+
+    should I wait until I stopped questioning?
+
+No. All humans change, and sexuality is not exempt. If you're feeling strongly about letting people know your labels, then that's a good enough reason in itself. If your attraction happens to change later on, that change is also valid, as is your choice of new labels
+
+    do you think that I should use a letter to come out?
+
+IMO, whether you end up using it or not, write the letter anyways. When I have tangled, shifting, or abstract thoughts that don't lend themselves to easy explanation, I find that the process of taking hold of them and translating them into words helps *my own* understanding. Even if nobody reads what I write, I come away with a better idea of what I'm feeling, which parts are the most important to communicate, and how they can be worded. 
+
+If you end up with a letter you're happy with, I think it's a great way to deal with the nerves involved with face-to-face convos. A letter involves a great deal more time and effort than just words on a page, and I think your parents will definitely understand that :)
+
+Above all else, remember that the way others respond to this information is ultimately filtered through *their* emotions, and is more of a reflection of *their* perspective. Whether the result is positive or negative, you are simply putting the information out there (as is your prerogative), and it is *their* responsibility to deal with it. There can be wider practical concerns (cases where parental withdrawal is likely, for instance), but on the general social front: you are not responsible for how other people handle the information you provide. 
+
+However you choose to come out, I wish you all the best :)

index.wiki

@@ -6,37 +6,27 @@ Half brain dump, half documentation practice.
 
 * [[Vimwiki]] -- This very wiki, and how it's hosted
 * [[Cgit]] -- Configuration and hosting of https://git.thurstylark.com/
-* [[Audiobook RSS Feed]]
 
 ===Configuration/Dotfiles===
 
 * [[Bashrc]]
-* Tmux
-* [[i3]]
-* Vimrc
-* [[Xinitrc]] -- Includes `srandrd` and X screen locker configuration
-* [[Pkglists]]
 * [[SSH]]
-* [[Keyboard Mapping]]
-* [[Password-Store setup]]
-
-===Misc.===
-
-* [[Links Of Infamy]] -- A link dump of things I find truly amazing
-* st
-* VPN
 * [[Chrome Search Shortcuts]]
-* [[Stupid Crestron Quirks]] -- Crestron can be stupid. Here are some examples
 
 === Reference ===
 
 * [[Thurstylark-VPS]] -- All the services and little tweaks unique to my VPS
 * [[LetsEncrypt]] -- Usage of certbot, and relevant info for Apache configuration
-
-=== General ===
-
-* [[Tasks]] -- Things to be done
+* [[Keyboard Mapping]] -- Changing keyboard mapping at the hwdb level
+* [[Password-Store setup]]
 * [[Formatting Cheat Sheet]]
-* [[vagst-testing]]
 
-[[contact|Contact Info]]
+===Misc.===
+
+* [[Links Of Infamy]] -- A link dump of things I find truly amazing
+* [[Stupid Crestron Quirks]] -- Crestron can be stupid. Here are some examples
+* [[Ramblings]] -- Non-technical musings, rants, or other such tomfoolery
+* [[Archive]] -- Pages that aren't of much active use, but worth keeping around
+
+
+=== [[contact|Contact Info]] ===